There's a Saint Bernard Behind Every Bush

Okay, first of all, we had power failure just before noon yesterday. My husband got the generator up and running for about two hours then it just....stopped.

He couldn't figure out what was wrong, plus it was getting dark, and with hope in our hearts (ha!), we just used poor battery fed lighting, "caught up water" and knew we had a flush in each toilet. We went to bed EARLY, and I was thankful our house wasn't cold... yet.

We also got up EARLY. The sun was trying to rise, the dog was risen and yearning to go out - she went to bed early too, ya know.

My husband broke a rule. The one that starts "I'll never, ever do that again."

He did it again.

He let our American Bulldog, Molly, out the door, unleashed. He said, and I quote, "I looked both ways twice and as soon as I let her in the yard the neighbor lady and her Saint Bernard appeared from behind the bush by our fence."

We ain't got a bush that big.

I  heard the commotion from upstairs WITHOUT my hearing aids. I didn't see anything, and my husband wanted me to wait until we sat down with our coffee to share the story.

We got a fire started in the fireplace first, because we had no other heat, and I heated up yesterday's coffee in a pan on our gas stove.

It was better than nothing.

Apparently, the rest of the story goes like this: Molly, in her bulldog way, barked and growled herself right up to the Saint Bernard, who only outweighs her by, say, 140 pounds. For some odd reason, the Saint Bernard didn't take kindly to this, and they began to scuffle.

Unfortunately, the Saint Bernard was on a leash ( with the wife not the husband, of course). The Saint Bernard outweighs the woman by, say, 140 pounds.

Since all this took place to the left of our house in the road, and my husband said he was hollering at Molly, it took him a moment to realize our neighbor was "laying on the ground".

Now, my husband, being the empathetic counselor he has always been, became concerned. He was concerned he was going to jail, to quote the man.

After asking about her welfare (finally), probably in a Don Knots voice, he found out she hadn't fallen, she had decided that if she laid down she might be able to stop her dog easier.

You seen, her Saint Bernard has the same level of obedience as our dog. That is to say, none.

When the dust cleared, no one was hurt. The dogs postured and snapped a little. Molly got a scratch on her belly from the grappling contest.

My husband says he has learned his lesson and he "will never, ever do that again."

I refer you back to paragraph four.