A Time To Die

I just found out a friend's daughter died last night.

I don't know how she will bear it. My mind balks at the very thought of losing a child to death. I don't care how old the 'child' is. This particular one was middle aged. But who cares, if you are the mother?

God knows, I'd give anything to keep from losing my child. It seems the worst nightmare a person could endure. Not to say I'd keep her here if she was suffering and no hope of recovery. No, then I'd be willing to let her go.

But I know in my heart, I would cry, 'What about me, Lord? What will I do now?'

Some of you reading this have probably lost a child. And I am truly, truly sorry that you have.

This brings to mind my faith and trust in God. Don't I? Well,  yes. I believe He is good. I believe He knows what He is doing. I believe, if my daughter died, she would be in Heaven, a far better place than this. And I believe Heaven is a far better place this this. That's why my cry would be about me, not her.

Grief is, after all, a very self-centered thing. I don't mean that in a selfish way, I mean it is all about what we are feeling, what we are going through, and how we will continue to go on.

Frankly, I don't want to. It frightens me to even think about it.

I'm afraid that's why people avoid those who have lost children in death. They may tell you, "I don't know what to say." or "I just can't stand to see them so upset." But the truth is, I think, they are afraid if they get too close it could happen to them to. Realilty is scary thing to face.

Control? We have none.

So, I'm right back to the top of the page. I'm sorrowful, I'm frightened, and I don't know what to say, or do.

But I do know I am praying. For that Mother. For my own child.

And for me.