Is It Hot In Here, Or Is It Just Me?

If spontaneous combustion really ever occurred, I'm sure it would happen to a woman in the middle of a full blown hot flash.

WHEW!

For instance: Sitting in church, all nicely dressed, cozy and comfortable. Then a sudden heat begins to erupt in my chest and I reach for something to fan with. The hymnal is too heavy, my husband's tie too flimsy, plus, when I yank on it, it makes him get too close to me!  Get away! I don't need more body heat.

I reach into the young Mother's diaper bag sitting next to me and pull out a disposable diaper. These are good, they are light weight and can absorb your moisture. (Don't pick up a used one by mistake, they are way too heavy).

Now, I know the pastor may look at you funny, sitting there on the third row, right there on the end, waving a diaper over the top of your head. That's why it's very important that you pick a pastor who is of a certain age, that way he will figure out pretty quick what is going on, and maybe he won't lose his stride or his place in his sermon.

Now, if a diaper isn't handy, I have considered using my skirt, flopping it up and down, and possibly over my head. I'd take off my blouse, but I'm pretty sure that's against the  Baptist by-laws, not that I've had time to read them yet. I've only been a member for fifteen years, and I'm a busy person.

The bulletin is okay, fairly large and sturdy enough that if you don't go into warp speed, it won't bend right in the middle of a fanning.

Once, during choir practice I started having a bad hot flash (not that any of them are actually good!). I was trying to fan with the choir book, which is pretty heavy and unwieldy, but I was desperate. Suddenly I felt a cool breeze on the back of my head, and when I turned, three middle aged men were frantically fanning away. I appreciated it so much I sent their wives thank you notes. They have really raised those men right!

Of course, as soon as that sucker is over and the heat starts to die down, I begin to feel chilled. I smack my husband on the arm and tell him to stop fanning me with his Bible, he's freezing me to death!

Of course that hurts his feelings, and he slams the Bible shut and then he can't find Habakkuk again.

Habakkuk has always been hard to find.

His wife probably  had  hot flashes too, and he's been laying low ever since.