Biscuits: 100 Me: A Big Fat Zero

That's right. I'm gettin' my rear end beat by biscuits.

I'm beginning to believe I ticked off a Biscuit Fairy in my cocky youth, when I believed if I tried, I could cook anything.

Lord help me.

I swan, I have tried everything since the last time I whined about this.

 I've gone by every recipe I can find. I've ignored recipes.

I've measured, I've not  measured.

I thought maybe I handled the dough too much, so I handled it hardly at all.

I've used butter, I've used Crisco. I have not used lard because Husband would croak at the thought of it.

I've set the oven at 450, 475 and 500.

I've used different brands of flour.

I've used different brands and degrees of fat in buttermilk.

I give up.

My biscuits taste good. They even look pretty good.

But try and slice 'em open to put butter and jelly in them, and you wind up with three pieces of bread in  your hand. They simply crumble.

I know, I know.

You can tell me what I'm doing wrong. You probably already  have.

But go ahead.

Tell me again.

I can hardly wait.