All righty, children, gather near.
Make sure those hearing aids are turned up high, but please, not high enough to squeal! Geez! Turn that thing down!
I've made the charts in LARGE PRINT, so there shouldn't be a problem reading them.
We have plenty of cushions and even a pillow or two, but this does not, I repeat: does not, give you permission to snooze. Snoring annoys everyone! Well, at least those who can hear it.
Make sure those dentures are in nice and tight, because some of this will be hard to chew and very tough to swallow.
We've got the air in the room well ventilated because we saw what you people ate for lunch. And I ask you, WHY of all days?
But, of course, we have the heat on, because everyone is freezing, except for the few younger ones who are fanning themselves already into a frenzy.
We suggest you sit near the windows we have cracked for the afore mentioned ventilation.
Mirrors have been removed from the building, except for one, it is on soft focus, but you can still see if you have any green stuff in your teeth if you put on those big old magnifying glasses that make you look like Mr. Peepers.
So, now.
Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Ah, never mind.
They ain't no good news.
But the news we are all hear for is this:
Every single last one of you folks are baby boomers.
That's right. The young generation. The never grow old generation. The hip generation. The hippy dippy folks who brought tie dye and strange shoes into vogue.
We have met the enemy.
And it is old age.
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