Where Did Ya'll Go?

It's an interesting thing to watch deer or fox walk into the woods. If you track them carefully, you can see them for a while. But if you so much as glance down, you will lose them, because they blend into the woods so nicely.

More amazing than them, though, are turkeys. It happens every time, whether it's two or twenty-two turkeys. You can watch them, without blinking, walk into the woods and they just disappear, right before your very eyes. It's an amazing thing. They don't blend, people, they disappear.

Husband and I have watched this together, then look at one another, mouths agape. Where the heck did they go? It's like a magician who whisks away the curtain and poof! nobody's there. Except these guys don't even need a curtain.

God is pretty awesome.

Of course, people try to copy this, hence camouflage clothing. This was once for hunters, but now it is a fashion statement.

A few years ago I was going into the bank. A man was coming out, dressed head to toe in camouflage. Not being one to keep my mouth shut, I said to him in a conspiratorial tone as we passed, "I can still see you."

I made the mistake of telling this to my friend, with whom I worked. We were eating lunch and she 'bout spewed her iced tea. She laughed in disbelief that I would say this to a rank stranger.

Then she went and told her husband that night, which was very alarming to me. "What did  he say?" I asked anxiously.

She said he just shook his head.

This man happens to be the head of the  G. B. I.

I asked  her not to share with her husband any more crazy amusing things I said or did, because frankly, I don't think the state can afford to have some guys following me around like I'm a whacko broad or something.

Shut up.

Now I've noticed when I go to baby showers, there are teeny tiny camouflage outfits given as gifts.

We know (okay, we hope) that dear old daddy ain't gonna take his newborn out in the woods and try to show him how to use a rifle to kill a deer.

So what other possible reason would you give a baby camouflage? I mean, if camouflage really works, and you lay the baby down....when grandma comes over to coo over her new baby, and you are about to have to tell  her you can't find said baby, what ya gonna do?

I can tell you who grandma's gonna call. And if she's your mama, you already know what she's gonna do.

To you.

And yesterday I saw a big old camouflage trashcan. You buy it, you bring it home and get it out of your truck, you set it down, you come out later to put your garbage in it and.....well.

What's next? Camouflage homework? Camouflage housework? Cars? Bank Accounts?

How about camouflage fat?

Why hasn't somebody thought of that before?