Apologies to Clement C. Moore

'Twas the day after Christmas,
When the mess through the house,
Kept creatures from stirring,
Even a mouse.

The stockings were flung
From the beds to the chair,
In hopes that a housekeeper
Soon would be there.

The people disheveled from their foot to their head,
The house so messy one couldn't find a bed.
And Ma in her back brace,
And Pa with pie on his face,

Had settled down for a look at the keyboard -
When suddenly! What a loud sound, lord!
Pa sprang from his chair to see what was the matter
It was Grandpa, with moonshine, mad as a hatter!

Ma hid in the bathroom as Pa opened the door,
Grandpa just hollered that he wanted more!
The  moonshine twinkling from the bottle shone
Like new falling rain that was up and thrown,

From the porch floor (roof leaked)
To the oak floors, where puddles peaked.
As Pa tried to make Grandpa come in the door,
And wiped up all the water that was in the floor,

What appeared to their wondering eyes next of all
Was a miniature car which chose their yard to stall.
With a little old driver so ticked off and quick,
They knew in an instant it was Cousin Nick.

More rapid than eagles his cuss words they flew.
He stomped and he whistled and shouted and blew
The horn as he cried:"Now, dang it, now durn it,
Now this car is new! I'll bash it, I'll burn it,

I'll trade it! For one that'll fly,
Whenever it meets with a problem, not die!
So into the house his cusses they flew,
And Ma come out of the bathroom cussin' too!

And then in a twinkling all became still
As the TV said something about the closing of the mill.
What's this? It's an outrage, we'll all sober up
And picket the owner, we'll show that old pup!

The prancing and hem-hawing of each voice was heard,
As each heart was joined as one and was stirred.
With new energy Grandpa and Pa cleaned up the mess,
and Ma cooked some cornbread and actually got dressed.

A bundle of trash Cousin Nick slung on his back,
And took it to burn in the barrel, every sack.
(He really looked like a peddler opening his pack,
Especially his clothing, that came straight off the rack)

All their eyes twinkled, they all felt real merry, 
Ma's cheeks were like roses and Grandpa's nose like a cherry,
From cooking and drinking, they both had a belly
That shook when they laughed like a jar full of jelly.

They were chubby and plump, and Ma nearly deaf,
When Pa laughed he suddenly had to defend himself.
 You don't laugh at women who are in a back brace.
Unless able to defend yourself  at a very quick pace.

Nightfall was coming and family was tired,
Full, slightly drunk, and sad, they were fired,
From the mill they had picketed, then, thrown in jail
Till someone from next door posted their bail.

So, settling into bed with a twist of their head,
They figured tomorrow would only bring dread.
They spoke not a word, but went straight to sleep,
Snoring, and grunting, and turning, slept deep.

But if you listened closely you could hear them exclaim,
The New Year will be better, let's hope so! Dad blame!