Where Am I Again?

Raise your hand if you've ever been lost.

Well, at least I ain't alone.

Now, there are scary losts: As a child, another child and I got lost in the woods (not for long) while the adults set up camp. I don't think they ever realized we were lost.

But the fear and panic we  felt were certainly real.

I'll never forget the relief that swept through my body when we came upon a road and our daddies just happened to be passing by on their way to the old hut to buy fishing bait!  Whew!

Another time, I was visiting a relative and she had taken me to a department store to shop. I guess I was about eight. I was enthralled with the escalators, because obviously our town had none.

Still doesn't, come to think of it.

Anyway, I was given permission to ride up and down on it while she shopped.

I  must have gone down, then down, or up, then up, instead of down, then up, because suddenly I had no idea where I was.

I was afraid and went straight to a desk, where a kind lady figured out where I should be.

Once again, the adult in my life wasn't concerned about how lost I was.

I guess this was before there was a kidnapper behind every bush.

And there is the embarrassed lost (I have lots of them). Getting turned around inside the mall, and just knowing you are coming out the same way you came in. Same store. Same department. No car. Because you are trying to go out the east side instead of the way you came in, which was the west side.

Once Husband and I did this. It was late afternoon, it was pouring rain, and no matter how diligently we searched, we could not find our car. It got so bad security started getting suspicious and following us in their little cart thingie from a safe distance.

I finally waved them over and told them we thought someone had stolen our car. They asked the make and tag number, talked on their two-way radio, and took us straight to our car.

And last, but certainly far from least, is the funny kind of lost.

My husband was attempting to do a home visit a few years ago and got hopelessly lost. He said for over an hour he had been rambling around who knows where without seeing a soul.

Finally, up ahead he saw two figures walking around in a yard of a house trailer.

It was two Teletubbies.

To give the man credit, he did NOT stop and ask for directions.

A few years back, Husband, Daughter, a friend, and I were in Gatlinburg. We decided we wanted to go to the Dixie Stampede in Dollywood.

Everyone said we couldn't miss it. May I say double ha?

What tricked us, see, was the Krispie Kreme hot sign blinked on as we were driving past and we got all excited about that. It is directly opposite old Dollywood.

So we drove on a little ways, figured we'd missed it, turned around, looked longingly at the Krispie Kreme hot sign (again missing Dollywood), but didn't want to spoil our supper, if and when we ever got to Dollywood. So, finally we pulled in a little strip mall parking lot. Husband got out, intending to go into one of the stores to ask someone.

But as he exited the car, an elderly gentleman came out of the store, carrying a small brown bag of something he had recently purchased and started across the parking lot in husband's general direction.

So, naturally, Husband stopped him and asked the older man how to get to Dollywood.

Now, my husband tends to get tangential, and I could hear him tell how we had  been looking, Krispie Kreme, blah, blah, blah.

The old man nodded thoughtfully through the whole session of what should have been a simple question.

The he looked at my husband, squinted, pointed to the right and said "asl;kflsjf a;ljfljfdl;ajf ;lsdj l;dfsj df."

Or something like that. It was the Cherokee Indian Language.

Satisfied, he walked off. My husband thanked him profusely, got back in the car, and told all of us to "SHUT UP LAUGHING!"

The moral of the story is this: Do not go anywhere with my family.

Well, not if you want to get there on the same day.