This Just In!!
Man reports daughter is half mermaid
"Me and the wife have knowed she always loved to stay in the bathtub and run all the hot water outta the hot water heater so's me and the wife ain't got warm water to take ar share in. And I don't like cold shares."
Upon further examination, it appears, according to the father, she has developed scales and the beginnings of fin like appendages. Wife and daughter both deny this.
He also claims that his wife has pied piper-like powers. "Cept it's with all them dang cats. Dog follers her everwhar, too." He says when she is out of sight they call her mournfully and barf on the carpet. "That's the devil to clean up." he says.
He also states that his wife has strange mental powers, knowing what he is going to say before he says it, knowing who is on the phone before she answers it, and successfully foretelling the ending to every mystery book he reads. "Course, I always said she was from sommers else."
When asked what he meant by that remark, he claims he is pretty sure she's from another planet. "Like South Georgia."
When asked if he thought his wife's family was strange, he became suddenly closed mouth, citing "cornbread" as his inability to speak ill of his mother-in-law.
Further details will be forthcoming as this reporter engages in a full investigation.
Film, possibly, at eleven.
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