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A few days ago, Husband was eating almonds. He hand a handful and was popping them in his mouth. Dog was looking at him wistfully, and Husband remembered he'd promised her a dog biscuit.

He's chatting with Daughter and me, as we were sitting at the table playing cards.

He goes into the pantry to get the biscuit, and the next thing I know he's spitting crumbs.

On his next bite, he had put the dog biscuit in his mouth.

Dog didn't appreciate the almond, either.

Last evening, Daughter went to one of the fast food restaurants to buy Mother, Other Brother, herself and me supper. I won't say which fast food joint, but their ancestors were Scottish. Daughter arrived back at Mother's, and I began taking our food out of the bag.

In anticipation, I knew Mother's was the only food in a box, the rest of us had wrapped, small hamburgers.

On Mothers was a tape. It said: Quarter Pounder  Must be Well Done. American Cheese Only.  3 pieces of bacon only.  cooked onions only.

I didn't read that tape until later. Mother opened the box and said, "This isn't a fish sandwich."

No monkey.

For some reason, after reading the taped o.c.d. commands for the hamburger, we all got hysterically tickled. Just imagining this person arriving home in anticipation of this precisely made hamburger, and opening up to find a fish sandwich....I dunno. We cracked up.

Yes, we do  need to get out more.

To make this even more amusing, Daughter had wanted something from the grocery store, so Mother asked her to buy tartar sauce so she could put extra on her fish sandwich she was having for supper. (ha!)

She came back with cocktail sauce. We ribbed her about that, as that was the funniest thing of the day so far. It was quickly forgotten in the sandwich debacle, however.

She got a little revenge telling on her daddy and the dog biscuit.

I wonder if the person ate the fish sandwich.