Fatty, Fatty, Two By Four - Can't Get Through The Kitchen Door

I had a fat day yesterday.

If you are skinny, average, chubby or way fat, as long as you are a female over twenty-five, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Doesn't matter what the scales say. It may stay on the very same number.

But your clothes don't fit, you feel so fat you can't take a deep breath. The  mirror has turned into a house of horrors.

It's the B word in full bloom.

You know the word. B.L.O.A.T.

Like a big old run over possum in the middle of the road after two days in the hot sun.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Now, I know there are some people who never think about their weight. Their size never enters their minds. They don't worry about when or what they eat.

Those people are called men.

But after a female turns twelve, she can never trust her body again. It turns on her. It changes shapes. Suddenly there are bumps and bulges and curves. Most people call them breasts, hips, thighs and tummies.

We are suddenly moody once a month.

And what about pregnancy?

One's body becomes nothing but a warehouse for another body. Our body gets bigger and bigger and bigger.

I have one friend, who started out a skinny little thing and gained ONE HUNDRED POUNDS during pregnancy. (You know who you are).  That's a lot of weight to put on in a few short months.

She is back to normal, but swears she will never, ever, ever get pregnant again.

She'll probably have twins the next time.

You read magazines that tell you to "Listen to your body."

You mean the one that says, "Sppt. Hey! Doesn't a mashed/french fries/scalloped, baked with butter potato and a T-Bone with chicken on the side sound good?"

Are you kidding me?

That's  why I'm having a fat day in the first place.

Man's First Temptation

I read somewhere that man's first temptation was with food.

Hmmmm. That's right, although I'd never thought of it that way before.

Satan didn't even have to dangle double chocolate fudge brownies in front of Eve to get her to cave. He did it with a dumb old piece of fruit. Imagine what kinda shape we'd be in, ladies and gentlemen, if he'd had a brownie!

It seems we've struggled with our relationship with food ever since.

Sometimes there is not enough and people worry how they will feed their children, much less themselves.

Here, of course, there is way too much, and way too much of the bad kind.

But we are tempted. We eat it anyway. And we are a country of fatso slobs. I, myself, need to drop fifteen pounds. By drop, I mean make them disappear. With, like, you know, wishing.

We have more eating disorders than you can shake a stick at - and even those of us who do not have an eating disorder, think about, at least occasionally, how we really need to 'cut back' on some food or another. Most of us need to, want to, lose a few pounds.

Being physically disabled, I am unable to participate in a lot of exercise. Being from the South, I have a hard time not participating in anything fried.

But I am a much smarter eater than I used to be. I really don't eat many fried foods, I cook with olive oil, I eat a lot of raw green things. I don't eat as much bread as I used to, and I make my sandwiches with good old wheat bread and about  half the mayo I used to eat.

I've cut out 90% of soft drinks. Only rarely do I imbibe.

But, as Scarlett O'Hara is my witness, I will nevah, nevah, give up sweet tea!

Thank you, Lord, Satan ain't from the South!