Just Another Day

You know how you start your day with optimism and hope? And then you get a kidney stone.

Or your back goes out and won't come home.

Or your water suddenly takes on the color of the creek after a horrible storm.

Ah, yes. I believe I may have mentioned some of that before.

So, here's a new one: Last night the cats were staring at the food dish with suspicion. For good reason, too. It was swarming with tiny black ants. Kill, kill, kill.

Husband said he would get out the stuff we use every year and put around the side of the window and counter where they come in despite us sealing it with everything including and up to Bazooka bubble gum.

But did  he? Noooo.  He said it was because he didn't want to smell it all night, and I really don't blame him.

It is natural, so it doesn't smell like chemicals (think Raid!). It smells like - well, imagine you go into your local  health food store and they  have lit every candle, every incense stick, opened every essential oil  and turned the fan on - that's what it smells like.

This morning, when I opened the dishwasher, hundreds were inside it. GROSS.

Kill, kill, kill.

And have I mentioned we have  not had a snow yet? I mean, I ain't asking for much. Just one snow.

Rant over.

For now.

We Got Aints Agin!

I think I have mentioned previously, that if you are from around these here parts, you pronounce ain't, aunt and ant all like the word ain't. 

Or, at least  you would have twenty years ago. You may have cleaned up your English to be more in step with modern, social media English, which is to say less accent of any kind.

Sobs

I have even done it myself, not meaning to, mind you, it just happened.

Anyway, we have aints: the crawling kind, the teeny, tiny aints, the pardon-my-french, piss aint kind of aint.

Also gnats. Pronounced Nats. (Ha! You thought I was gonna say pronounced aints, didn't you!)

They are both driving me cra-cra - which is a fine example of the new, improved English I'm talkin about. Before, I would have said they are driving me crazy.

I go around smacking, slamming, whacking, killing everything in sight.

Eli, my Maine Coon got in on the action this morning. He was sitting at his food bowl, when suddenly his head started zooming around, then he sat up on his haunches, and, making a full 360 pivot without losing his balance, smacked a gnat four or five times in mid-air. He finished with a "There!" look on his face and resumed eating.

So, I was just wondering if any of ya'll out there in blog land have 'em too. And if so, do you know why? We got rid of all fruits and such, but that didn't seem to faze the gnats. They seem to be more after driving us cra-cra.

And the aints? They are in the upstairs bathroom, climbing all over the sink, counter, etc., for no particular reason I can figure.

I may wind up being cra-cra with a capital C if I don't get these critters kilt off.

More later, I reckon.

Big Trouble

Spring has finally arrived.

I know this without a doubt. Not because last Tuesday it was snowing and this Tuesday it was seventy-eight degrees, but because of one thing that  happens every spring at our house.

But first! A story:

One of my very best friends is a school bus driver, among other things. Many years ago she had a little boy on her bus we will call Billy Bob. Billy Bob came from a very, uh, lax home life and cussed like a sailor.

However; his all wise mama advised him not to cuss on Friend's bus or he'd "get his a** kicked from here to kingdom come."

Friend asked him did he understand what that meant and he said, "Yes," and then proceeded to list a string of profanity a mile long.

"Okay. As long as you know," said friend.

Friend also works as an aide to children with special needs, so she is at school all day. Billy Bob spotted her in the area and came running, intense and solemn on his errand.

"Ma'am, we got trouble. Big trouble."

"What is it, Billy Bob?"

"Aints. Piss Aints."

Well, to coin a phrase, we got trouble at our house. Big trouble.

They enter our upstairs bathroom every year, headed for the cat food. They form a conga line and dance their way to and fro, driving us as well as the cats, crazy.

Husband found a eucalyptus based spray that won't hurt the cats but kills the ants, so he's going go hunt that up tomorrow and start spraying.

But until then....

It's trouble. Big trouble.