How do You Spell Procrastination? T.A.X.E.S.

Because of my recent increase in pain, I haven't felt like blogging (or anything else that isn't necessary). But I feel a whole more like blogging that I do slogging through all the paperwork I have to do in order to take our taxes to be done.

So.

A friend has been helping with my family tree. So far no horse thieves. 

I've been to the chiropractor. Didn't see any horse thieves there, either. Well, that I know of.

It's unseasonably warm, just like it was in  March of 1993 right before the blizzard hit. Just sayin.  (and just kidding, I hope!)

Husband is going to play Pontius Pilate at church Sunday. Pray for Daughter and me.

If you don't hear from me tomorrow, you know I buckled down and started on those darn taxes.

Ugh.

Rambling

It's not everyone who can say they sang in a backup trio for a very famous group.

I can say that because I did. That group happens to be someone you will recognize instantly. 

Veggie Tales.

Please, please, hold your adulation for later. I get enough of that stuff from my neurologist when he looks at my x-rays. (Because I'm still walking around.)

Yeah, I've done a lot of really cool stuff.

I role played (many years ago, when I was in my twenties) an angry, rebellious teenager.  I did such a good job the rest of the folks attending the workshop didn't believe I was just pretending. I tried to tell them what a nice person I was, and had never, ever behaved that way as a teen. But they never really believed me. It was a very uncomfortable rest of the week. They mostly avoided  me. Sheesh.

I've fallen up the stairs, down a mountain, tripped over my own two feet (and yours too if you get close enough). I've run into walls, furniture, other people and cars.

I've talked to some famous people and people who haven't bathed in years. (and no, they weren't the same people)

I've sung in front of a lot of people, and I've sung in the shower. Guess where I did  my best singing?

I've loved, I've been loved. I've cried and laughed and laughed till I cried. 

I have had great joy in my life, and I have had great sadness in my life. Lots of pain, but a lot of pleasure, too.

So, what am I trying to say here? 

Just that we are a lot alike, aren't we?

Well, except for the Veggie Tale part...

It's December .... Already

So today is the first day of the last month of 2014.

You may be asking: how the heck did that happen? How did we even get to 2014 in the first place?

I dunno.

My baby brothers turned fifty years old today. I don't know how that's setting with them, but it's setting pretty old to me.

Christmas will be here in a flash, and I can barely move. If I don't stay over this mess with my sacroiliac, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I think I'm better and WHAM it's like I've been hit with a baseball bat. Twice.

Daughter is having finals this week, so you can figure the mess she's in.

Husband is going to see a man about a dog tomorrow.

No, really.

I don't know if we will get it. We all had high hopes we'd go as a family to look at the pup, but with my back and some commitments I have, I know I can't do it all. And Daughter, as I have said, is having finals this week.

What the situation is, is this: someone somehow has to get unbusy, unpained enough to put up the dang Christmas decorations.

Any volunteers?

Only one string attached:

You got to clean the house first. I ain't having no decorations put up with nasty underneath.

Gimme a call if you're interested.

Not What I Planned on Writing

I had my blog all planned out in my head, in fact I did it  yesterday, but was too done in by a trip to the doctor in Atlanta to even think about sitting up and actually typing.

But I knew what I was going to say.

All that changed when I listened to a voice mail from one of my dear friends:

"The biopsy finally came in. It's cancer."

I burst into tears.

Sometimes I really hate this place.

This world is full of pain, loss, grief, sorrow and tears, tears, tears.

And we have it better than anyone else on the planet.

I know the situation we are in is our own fault, we live in a fallen world because of the free will given us by our Creator.

It really isn't my home, which I forget when things are going well.

I lay in my bed, crying and telling God I didn't like this, I didn't want my friend to have cancer. And then, of course, I cried for myself.

Most of the time I keep all the bad stuff of my pain in perspective, but today, everything just flooded.

I'm better now.

But I still hate this place sometimes.

Pehaps a Better Tomorrow

I can tell you, this has been one long week.

I'm sure it's been even longer for my mother, except for the part where she was under anesthesia.

I wish I had a list of upcoming funny blogs regarding her hospital stay and her continuing at-home recuperation.

Not a one.

It has been painful to watch. Things are better now, four days out. Although we have taken turns care taking; it has taken a toll on us all.

I can only imagine what it has taken from her almost eighty-five year old mind and body.

Plus, of course, she is ruminating over a family squabble like it is war between Russia and the USA.

Me? I just wish folks would grow up.

I ain't too happy with my own body. It doesn't like unusual places to sit or stand. It really doesn't like stooping. I won't go into detail of nights of leg and foot cramps, numbness that wakes me up, stiffness that won't let me move and zipping pain that seems demonically possessed. It really makes me angry that I can't step up to the plate more and be more confident in what I am doing.

Of course, part of that is there is not one speck of nurse in me. Give me a crazy person and I'm good to go. Physical impairment? I'm good to go there, too, just in the other direction. That embarrasses me to admit. It's like I have some core value missing.

Mother hasn't hesitated to tell each and every doctor, nurse, aide, cleaning lady, and passer by what a terrible shape I am in. They glance at my she-could-plow-the-south-forty physique and mentally roll their eyes. Color me embarrassed.

Of course, Brother of Many Surgeries gets the same amount of stage time, and he looks pretty good too, as long as he ain't naked. Don't get me wrong, I ain't seen him naked, (in many years) but I've heard rumors.

All in all, I suppose we have done the best we can. We've worked and watched, cajoled and encouraged, talked and listened.

And so far, nobody's died.

Tomorrow Is Closer Than It Was

This will be my last blog for a few days.

Tomorrow  Mother is having hip replacement surgery. She is nearly 85 years old, so perhaps you can imagine my anxiety over it.

I have not wanted her to have this surgery, even though she has been cleared by a good cardiologist, dentist, and the surgeon himself.

But you see, I don't know if my unease comes from my own disastrous surgery where many things went awry and I'm stuck with it all, or if it is her age and I'm afraid she won't live through it all, or if it is my fear of my own shortcomings when it comes to helping take care of her afterwards.

All I told my Mother was: "It's your body, it's your pain, and only you can decide what has to be done"

And her reply, "I can't go on living with this pain."

So, there you go.

My hope, my sincere prayer, is that in a few days I'll be able to regale you with hilarious stories of adventures at the hospital, as I have attempted to do in the past.

I ask that those of you who are praying folks to lift my mama up in prayer tomorrow. For the Lord loves to hear our prayers, it is a sweet odor to Him. He loves my mother more than I can imagine, and I ask that you pray with that in mind.

And if you have an extra minute, add me in there, too.

Things That Go Bump

I arrived at the book club yesterday just barely on time.

Most folks were already seated around the table, so I rushed over to take my place.

I was given some punch, I sat down, then proceeded to scoot my chair forward, slamming my knee into the two inch thick slanted board than ran the width of the table, acting as the leg.

If I had been at home, I would have cried out, bawled like a baby, held onto my knee and howled.

But, being embarrassed, I blinked rapidly to hold back tears, calmly picked up my punch and sipped, and held my knee with my other hand.

Before too long, I forgot about it.

As far as I know, no one noticed. They probably thought it was just a minor earthquake or a nuclear blast, and weren't worried about it. After all, we were in a bookstore, and nobody knows those exist anymore, right? So what safer place could you be?

I vaguely remember hobbling a little worse to the car, but not enough to register. After we ate, I was browsing in the store, when a sharp pain went straight up my back whenever I put  my right leg down. I remember mentally rolling my eyes and thinking, "What now?"  We left fairly soon, and came home.

After the hour drive home, when I got out of the car, I was in a lot of pain in my knee when I walked. I grumbled to myself that my knees were one of the few things that rarely hurt, and why was my stupid knee hurting?

The longer I stayed up, the worse it got, until I finally complained to Husband. He innocently asked, "Have you hurt it?"

"No - " Then the light bulb came on and I remembered hitting it!

What color is my hair again?

I proceeded to pull up  my britches leg to inspect my knee.

I didn't know you could even get a pump knot on your knee cap.

Well, ice has been applied, over and over.

It woke me up when I would straighten my leg out in my sleep. It hurts to walk this morning.

I'd cuss if it'd do any good.

So far, nothing else has.

Things I Miss

Things I miss I had before I fell:

1. Being able to hear well without hearing aids
2. Being able to hear well with hearing aids
3. Being able to go barefoot
4. Being able to go sock footed
5. Being able to wear sandles
6. Being able to wear a belt
7. Being able to stand for long periods of time
8. Being able to walk for long periods of time
9. Being able to walk on hard surfaces
10.Being able to sit for long periods of time
11. Being able to lay around like a bum for long periods of time
12. Being able to be medication free
13. Being able to talk without word displacement (well, no worse than anyone else)
14. Being able to have any time without pain. Even five mintues would be nice.

I've had a hard day. Can you tell?

Pain is a Funny Thing

Obviously I don't mean funny ha-ha, but funny odd.

For whatever reason, I have been in more pain than usual today. Blame it on the weather, blame it on how I slept, blame it on whatever you so desire.

I remember after surgery I would have terrible days, when things had been looking up. I'd wrack my brain trying to figure out what I'd done wrong.

Unfortunately, there is no rhyme nor reason as to the upswing of pain. It suddenly becomes a beast that only yesterday was an irritant. And maybe (hoping) tomorrow it will go back to being just an irritant.

When I get in this shape, I fantasize about the time that will come when I won't have pain anymore, that I will  have a whole and healthy body. I try to remember this part of life is only for the blink of an eye, nothing compared to what is to come.

God provided a miracle yesterday in our family. I am still hungover with being awestruck from that. When I called people to tell them the results of corporal prayer, many actually laughed out loud with joy.

A taste of what's to come.

So, what do I blame my bad pain days on? The fall (of mankind).

And yes, I am aware of the pun.

Say a prayer for me today, and never hesitate to ask the same from me.

We can pray, no matter what.

I No Longer Control My Life

I no longer control my life.
Pain tells me: Get up! Go to bed! Stop walking! Stop sitting! Stop standing!

Awakened in the middle of the night by a roaring, raging beast,
Only to be corralled by chemical relief,
Becomes a slumbering dragon breathing slow fire.
Waiting till I can be caught off guard, it pounces again, attacking.

But Saints called down the  Word of God.
An avenging angel stepped forward.
He guards the place that is really me,
And allows no demons near.

With strong arms 'cross his mighty chest,
And wings unfurled, at rest,
He says: "This place belongs to the Almighty,
You will not enter in."

In this refuge full of serenity's light,
I float upon living waters.
Encased in purity, love and peace,
My spirit rests within.

So, though the fire and thunderstorm of pain
Can, rumbling, wake me from my sleep,
Its lightening flashes cannot burn the me within
That's in my Father's keep.

I fiercely fight the pain with prayer,
For those I love need covered.
Lost sleep is not for ought
If graced by Holy conversation.

It soothes my soul and gives drink to thirst,
Where tranquil whispers sweeten
Darkness. Shadowed deep with softly sung
Lullabies from God.


by: kathi harper hill