Lawd Have Mercy, It's Hot!

As all ya'll know, I am a southern girl, born and bred, as they say.

And speaking of ya'll, I am simply appalled, appalled I say, at the sudden new way to spell ya'll. Suddenly the correct way to spell this word, which isn't even really a word, is  y'all.  Sacrilege!

I noticed when reading a fairly well known person's tweet the other day, they, too had caved. He is a true southerner, and has always spelled ya'll correctly. Now, all of a sudden, he's spelling it y'all.

I digress.

So, I am really, truly southern.

But I dislike the humid, hot days that usually start around mid-July and stop around the end of August.

Last Sunday I opened my door at 9:30 a.m. to go to church like a good girl, and it was both humid and hot.

What's this! I asked to no one. It's only mid-June, not mid-July! And immediately commenced to whine. It's not fair I have been gypped out of a whole month of simply hot but bearable weather.

And every ding dang day since, all I have to do is think about going outside and it grows dark and ominous and begins to thunder.

What, I'm supposed to become a recluse now? But I know lightning is right behind the thunder and I know what lightning does, so recluse it is.

My Yankee Cousin arrives Sunday for a week of fun, food, escapades, food, talk, food and who knows what else.

I just hope it ain't so humid and so hot that some of our fun will be wilted into just being lazy and staying inside to talk and eat.

Wouldn't that be a shame?  HA.

Ya'll just check the weather report for me and let me know if there's gonna be any coolin' of the temperatures for a while.

And maybe stoppage of thunder and such.

Just for a little while, that's all I ask for.

On The First Day Of Summer My True Love Said To Me

1.Ain't it hottern usual?

2.Ah'm sweatin' like a sinner at revival!

3.Is the air tore up, or are you tryin' to be frugal again?

4.It's hottern  H. E. L.-okay, okay, I won't say it, but you know how hot it is.

5.I'm growin gills it's so humid.

6.It's so hot yore granny took off one of her sweaters.

7.I thought pigs didn't sweat and your cousin Jethrine is sweatin and she's a pig.

8.I'm movin' to Canada.

9.Don't leave the car winders up or it'll explode the windshield.

10.I don't know if the maters are gonna make it or not. They's wiltin purdy bad.

11.Ever time I git in that dang car, I stick to the seats so bad they have to peel me off when I get thar.

12.I reckon we could bile the aiggs in the fish pond and not turn on the stove, it's too hot to do that.

And for a baker's dozen:

13.This heat is makin you illern a sore tailed cat.

Looks Ain't Everthang

This morning I got up looking a bit like Einstein.

No, not a mustache. Old lady jokes are not funny. I shave every morning. Now, see, that didn't make you laugh, did it? Okay, well, maybe the Brother of Many Surgeries laughed, but he don't count no how.

No, not the brilliant, bulging forehead. Mine is quite normal.

No, not the faraway look in the eye showing magnificent and non-understanding by anyone but me thoughts going on in my head.(Although I have plenty of thoughts nobody understands, but it ain't because they are brilliant.)

It's my hair.

You see, I washed it yesterday afternoon and did nothing to it.

No curling iron, no nothing.

The results are stunning. As in,  "Lord have mercy, woman, what have you done?"

Makes people pay attention.

I guess the humidity did something, too. It did not stay in the cute little ringlet curls, but truly turned into a frizz festival that scared even the cats.

I think they thought I had an animal on my head.

The only non-reactions I got were from Daughter, who was, of course, busy. Like, you know, texting, and couldn't look up. My hair could have been on fire and she wouldn't have noticed until I started to scream. Then, she would have held up a hand in a 'just a moment' gesture before looking up.

The other non-reaction was from Molly, a.k.a., Dog. Dogs love you unconditionally. She did eye my head though, and I could tell she was wishing I'd bend down a little so she could lick a hair or two into place. But she didn't make snide comments or cringe in horror.

Dogs. (Wo)man's best friend.

Yep. Good old Molly.

But that wasn't quite good  enough, so I got busy and fixed my hair.

Nobody noticed.

Biscuits: 100 Me: A Big Fat Zero

That's right. I'm gettin' my rear end beat by biscuits.

I'm beginning to believe I ticked off a Biscuit Fairy in my cocky youth, when I believed if I tried, I could cook anything.

Lord help me.

I swan, I have tried everything since the last time I whined about this.

 I've gone by every recipe I can find. I've ignored recipes.

I've measured, I've not  measured.

I thought maybe I handled the dough too much, so I handled it hardly at all.

I've used butter, I've used Crisco. I have not used lard because Husband would croak at the thought of it.

I've set the oven at 450, 475 and 500.

I've used different brands of flour.

I've used different brands and degrees of fat in buttermilk.

I give up.

My biscuits taste good. They even look pretty good.

But try and slice 'em open to put butter and jelly in them, and you wind up with three pieces of bread in  your hand. They simply crumble.

I know, I know.

You can tell me what I'm doing wrong. You probably already  have.

But go ahead.

Tell me again.

I can hardly wait.

Life is a Puzzlement

I  never really set out to ever offend anyone. It's just not in my nature to do so.

But this post may offend some of you. Just know if it does, that's not what I set out to do.

I have never known a time when I was without the presence of the Holy Spirit.

Before this offends everybody I've ever known and many I haven't, let me explain.

As far back into childhood I can remember, I always felt God's presence. I was comforted by Him and felt protected by Him. I even had a vision when I was very small, probably age four or five.

When I was ten, I  heard His Voice for the first time. I was in the pew of the church. A message had been given (I don't remember what) and the music was playing, inviting anyone who felt God's nudge to come forward.

I'm not sure I was really even paying much attention. I was a kid and by the end of a service my thoughts were usually elsewhere.

But when that Voice said, "It's time to tell everyone You have me in  your heart." I didn't hesitate. I went straight up the isle and said as much.

I've been talking to God, or His Holy Spirit, ever since, and He has been talking to me.

I am amazed and humbled by this relationship.

And I am completely baffled when folks don't believe.

He is as real to me as you are. Well, more so than a lot of you, since 45 countries have read my blog. (Thank you, by the way.)

Many people are now offended by the  Christian belief, in fact it's becoming the "in" thing, I believe.

Be tolerant unless it's "them"!

Ah, well, we shouldn't be surprised. The Bible says that's the way it will be.  It's just folks in the United States have been so softened and spoiled by our freedom, we've forgotten it isn't the norm.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know why I believe.

Maybe I didn't do a very good job of it, but there you are.

Anything good you see in me is from Him. The rest, unfortunately, is me. I am not perfect at this, only my relationship with Him is perfect.

Me, on the other hand, needs a lot of work.

A lot of work.

So, don't look to Jesus Christ's followers for a good example. Look at Him instead.

You'll get a much better picture.

Father's Day!

For the first five years of our marriage, Husband was, well, Husband.

About five years later, he became Daddy.

Since then, his duties have been divided among his "girls".

Daughter, of course, has him wrapped around her little finger, where he's been since day one.

We are often a threesome - instead of us and the kids, it's just us.

I think when you have only one child, there is a deeper intimacy there between the parents and the child. I know there are pros to siblings, of course.

But we have what we have.

And on this Father's Day, I congratulate Husband on a job well done.

When the Rain Comes

Man oh man oh man oh man! Has it been raining or what?

I almost drowned three times this week, all three trying to get to my car.

Electricity went out for almost four hours the other evening, but for us, that's par for the course. Still don't like it, though.

Seriously, my all overs are hurting a lot worse than usual, and I think I shall blame it on the rain.

I will say one thing, though. Everything smells so dang good!

I just go out on the porch and breathe. And as soon as it stops raining, the birds start chattering like crazy, like they have to catch up or something.

Nothing is attempting to eat our garden. No bugs, no nothing. Maybe they drowned, too.

Did you know the preacher that performed the marriage ceremony for my parents was named Rainwater? No monkey, it's true.

I wonder if he was part Cherokee.

The Loch Ness Monster is also called a water horse (be sure and see the movie,"The Water Horse",  it's wonderful scenery of Ireland).

If they caught her they could ride her and put rains around her neck. Get it? Water horse, rains?

You may have caught on by now I couldn't think of anything to blog about today.

So, I'll 'rain' myself in and leave it with ya.